


you taught me the courage of stars (before you left)

by sunnylemonss



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Late Night Conversations, No beta we die like Sunset Curve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28616922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnylemonss/pseuds/sunnylemonss
Summary: Growing up, Alex loved hanging out with his maternal grandpa, Grandpa Tom. Sure, he loved his dad’s parents, but Grandpa Tom was way more fun. Spending time with him meant getting ice cream and people-watching at the park, going on small adventures to find fairies in the woods outside his house, and having spontaneous dance parties in public. Grandpa Tom’s wife had died before Alex was born, and because Alex was an only child and didn’t have any cousins, it was always just him and his favorite person.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 75





	you taught me the courage of stars (before you left)

**Author's Note:**

> I lost my Grandpa Tom when I was 6, and because I was so young when he died, I don't remember him very well. This fic is based off of conversations I'd like to have had with him, but never got the chance to.
> 
> (title from "saturn" by sleeping at last)

Growing up, Alex loved hanging out with his maternal grandpa, Grandpa Tom. Sure, he loved his dad’s parents, but Grandpa Tom was way more fun. Spending time with him meant getting ice cream and people-watching at the park, going on small adventures to find fairies in the woods outside his house, and having spontaneous dance parties in public. Grandpa Tom’s wife had died before Alex was born, and because Alex was an only child and didn’t have any cousins, it was always just him and his favorite person.

One night, when Alex was ten, he and Grandpa Tom were sitting on the back porch, bathed in the light coming from the kitchen window and watching the sun set. Alex could hear his mom puttering around the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, and his dad laugh faintly at something on the TV. Grandpa Tom had grabbed several cookies on their way out the back door, and he and Alex were basking in the tranquility of the evening, munching on warm chocolate chip cookies as crickets chirped around them and stars started to appear.

After about fifteen minutes of comfortable silence, Alex asked the question that had been stuck in his mind for a while. “Grandpa, how do you know when you’re in love?”

Grandpa looked at Alex in surprise, then let out a little laugh. “Why, little Alex, are you in love with someone?” Alex scowled and crossed his arms. “Well I wouldn’t know. Can you just answer the question, please?”

Grandpa Tom laughed again and ruffled his grandson’s hair before turning to face the backyard. Alex watched intently as he brought his hands up under his chin, and he could practically see the gears turning. After a minute of thinking, Grandpa Tom sighed and leaned back.

“When you find someone you love, and you’re in love with, it’s like watching the sun rise every morning. Breathtaking, beautiful, and your favorite part of the day. It’s like watching the stars at night,” he pointed up to the sky, where millions of stars were shining brightly, “you can’t look away, and you want to stay in that moment forever. Not a day goes by when you don’t miss them, and you can’t bear to leave them. But you do, because you know, like the sun and the stars, your love returns every time you meet again.”

Grandpa Tom looked down at Alex and smiled. “Does that answer your question?” Alex took a moment to ponder what he had been told before nodding once. “Yeah, thanks Grandpa Tom!” The older man just laughed and bumped shoulders with his grandson. “Any time, kiddo, any time. Now, let’s go see how many cookies we can eat before your mom catches us.” Alex’s laughter mixed with his grandfather’s, rising into the night sky to become one with the universe, and the stars smiled

. . .

“Grandpa Tom? Can I ask you a question?” Alex is fifteen and unsure, spending the night at his grandfather’s house. He’d recently come to accept the fact that he just didn’t see girls the way all other boys his age did, but it still scared him. He loved his Grandpa, and knew that his Grandpa loved him, but people like him were hated, feared, and hurt because of something they couldn’t change.

“Sure, kiddo. What’s up?” Grandpa Tom’s smile was warm and his eyes sparkled in the light of the campfire they’d built in his backyard, but Alex’s stomach was still in knots. He chewed his lip and looked down at where his dirty converse scuffed the dirt. “Does . . . does everyone deserve love? Like, everyone everyone?” There was a small pause after Alex finished speaking, and he chanced a glance up at the man he so admired. Grandpa Tom’s smile was a little smaller, but still genuine, and there was a knowing look in his eyes that both scared and comforted the younger boy.

Grandpa Tom turned and stared into the flames for a few minutes, and the squishy feeling in Alex’s stomach got worse and worse. Finally, the older man spoke. “Yes, Alex, everyone deserves love. Not everyone will find it, not everyone will accept it, and some will fear it, but everyone deserves it.” Grandpa Tom faced Alex, and Alex felt pinned under his kind gaze. “You’ll hear a lot of things in your life, and not all of them will be good, but I want you to listen closely, Alex. People are scared of what they don’t understand, and they turn their fear into ignorance and violence. I need you to know, little Lexi, that no matter who you grow up to be, who you grow up to _love_ , there will always be people who love and support you, and I’ll be right at the front of them. You hear me, kiddo?”

Alex nodded, looking at his grandfather through tear-blurred eyes. His voice trembled with emotion when he said what had been on his mind all night.

“I’m gay.”

The second the words left his mouth, he was being tugged into familiar arms and a sturdy chest. Alex let the tears fall as his grandpa held him close and whispered reassurances in his ear. “I love you Alex, so, so much. And I’m so unbelievably proud of you, you know that? You’re so brave, thank you for telling me.” Alex pulled away slightly, sniffling gently and wiping his eyes, but Grandpa Tom held a firm grip on his shoulders. “Look at me, Alex.” Alex lifted his eyes, and the pure love radiating from his grandfather was enough to bring the tears back. “I love you so much, kiddo. And when you’re old enough to have a boyfriend, you bring him to me first, okay? I gotta make sure he’s good enough for my favorite grandkid.”

Alex laughed wetly. “I’m your only grandkid.” Grandpa Tom grinned and winked, and Alex scooted closer to settle into his side. “Thanks, Grandpa Tom,” he whispered, and the arm around his shoulders tightened in response.

Around them, the fire crackled, the crickets chirped, and the stars sighed in relief.

. . .

Alex is seventeen and so in love with his boyfriend, Willie. Willie brings out the best in Alex, and Alex’s cautious tendencies balance out Willie’s reckless ones. They complete each other, and today, after six months of dating, Alex wants to introduce his other half to the most important person in his life.

“Hey, babe?” Willie looked up at the sound of his voice from where he was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle. “Yeah?” Alex bounced his knee nervously, tapping out a rhythm on this thigh. “I want you to meet someone,” he blurted out. Willie raised an eyebrow. “Today?” Alex nodded. Willie looked down at his puzzle, back at his clearly anxious boyfriend, and smiled. “Can I drive?”

. . .

Alex is in the passenger seat of his boyfriend’s car, knee going a hundred miles an hour as he tells Willie where to go. The radio is playing some kind of pop song with a surprisingly catchy beat, but Alex can’t focus on it. After a fifteen minute drive, he points to the next driveway. “It’s this one,” he says quietly. Willie’s energy seems to dampen, and he reaches over to turn off the radio as they drive through the gates of the cemetery.

Alex directs him to a parking space near the family plot, and Willie shuts off the car. The sudden silence is deafening, but Alex isn’t quite ready to get out. They both sit in the car for a few minutes, air heavy with grief as the sun starts to sink in the sky. Alex eventually takes a shaky breath before nodding once, resolutely. “Let’s do this,” he says as he gets out of the car, Willie close behind him. As soon as Willie rounds the car, he holds out a hand, and Alex tangles their fingers together as they start to walk.

Three months after Alex came out to him, Grandpa Tom died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. Alex’s father had been the only one with him at the time, but his CPR attempts weren’t enough to save him. Alex had come home from school that day, bouncing with excitement because he and Grandpa Tom were going to the movie theater the next day to watch whatever cheesy movie he chose. The image of his mother’s tear-stained face and his father’s guilt-stricken one was burned into Alex’s brain forever.

Alex and Willie stop in front of the grave. _Thomas Ellis, Beloved Father, Grandfather, and Son_ it reads. Alex hesitates a moment before letting go of Willie’s hand and sitting criss-cross in front of the gravestone. He reaches a hand out and traces the words lightly, heart heavy. He became aware that Willie has taken a seat next to him, so he scoots closer to rest his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. They sit in relative silence, the only sound being that of the birds settling for the night and a light breeze rustling the trees. Eventually, Alex speaks.

“Hey Grandpa Tom, sorry it’s been a while. I, uh, have someone I want you to meet. You told me to bring you my boyfriend so you could make sure he’s good enough for me, but, uh, I think he’s a little too good for me,” he laughed lightly, fighting back tears. Willie, a quiet support at his side, presses a gentle kiss to his temple. “His name is Willie, and we’ve been dating for six months now. I really, really love him, Grandpa, and I’m so lucky that he loves me back. It’s just like you told me: it’s beautiful, it’s constant, and it comes back stronger every day. Thank you, Grandpa Tom, for teaching me that. I miss you.”

The two sat there for hours, talking to Grandpa Tom. The sun set, the birds slept, and the stars listened.

**Author's Note:**

> (yes, I gave Alex's grandpa the same death mine had, it's called projection)
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated if you enjoyed it!! <3


End file.
